Modern culture and trends have socially conditioned the global masses:

Engage in attention seeking behavior to feel significant and grandiose

It’s one of the very reason why TikTok has become the fastest growing social media platform in history ever… surpassing both Facebook and Instagram.

The power of TikTok lies in it’s unique ability to target the short attention spans of it’s users, but more specifically it hits the human desire of recognition and status through the means of becoming a viral sensation.

Create a video that displays “talent” for a few seconds then be an overnight success so you can instantly become rich and famous.

You see.

On a primal level it taps into the human desire to be in the high status position of the social hierarchy.

In that position one has power, recognition, scarce resources, valuable social connections, fake people trying to use you for a hand out and the list goes on.

With so many beneficial value to one’s life experience, it makes perfect sense why millions use social media with hopes of becoming an overnight celebrity.

However, there is a very dark side to it…

This self-obsessed tendency, society loses touch with empathy for others as all that is most valuable within their reality is how others can be used to influence how they view oneself.

A sense of Self that does not have a Self [or little to none] because the Identity is directly linked to thoughts and opinions of others so these individuals are used for narcissistic fuel.

[Insert every celebrity breakdown here]

If human connection is one of the greatest experiences life has to offer:

How could we lose touch with the ability to think beyond oneself and for others to experience a deep individualistic sense of mutual connection?

A disturbing behavior society engages in that shows no signs of slowing down anytime soon [with the positive reenforcement of detrimental behavior] due to lack of responsible use of technology.

Technology was invented to enrich the life experience, not replace the entire life experience with technology.

With instant gratification being the norm, social media notification provides an insane level of dopamine that quite literally fries the brain’s experience in the physical world.

Modern “self-help” trends promote vanity metrics used to determine one’s value based on complete strangers [that have no idea who you actually are] while playing an inauthentic facade and persona due to fear of rejection revealing the true authentic self.

Hence why the popular tendency with “influencers” is they lose themselves because they cater their content to the masses for more views. It’s business to the point of selling their soul for money and fame.

And this desperate need to be a viral sensation - one must possess this quick fix solution to achieve society’s standards of what is deemed a “success” to be happy.

Reflecting back on all these mainstream paradigms:

Why would one endure the years of the grueling internal process to maybe one day experience this abstract concept and sensation of Being?

Now that I’ve painted the landscape and pinpointed the demon that must be slayed…

LONELINESS VS ALONE

It is very important to dive deeper into the actual definition of these two words:

Loneliness: sadness because one has no friends or company
Alone: having no one else present

Often times many people mistaken past life experiences by mislabeling it due to the two closely related words.

From there they go about living their life [without ever having analyzed the experience properly] collecting further experiences to reenforce an outdated self-limiting belief system.

“Loneliness” is a subjective experience while being “alone” is an objective fact.

You can feel loneliness being alone, but what happens when you have learned how to not experience sadness while being alone?

In fact being alone provides you tremendous joy, peace and happiness.

The single source of these positive emotions comes from within you, not chasing after ever changing external factors.

This is the very sensation of Being that timeless wisdom always refers back to.

Mother nature loves to leave clues behind:

We enter the world alone and will most likely die alone.

This has nothing to do with being a natural introvert as many tests reveal that I am extraverted. Often fluctuating between the two extremes depending on my phase of life as I rather give it 100% effort or not at all.

Although as I write that I could not help but to mention there were times in my life where the mere thought of entering a social environment gave me tremendous social anxiety that left my heart racing as if I had just sprinted a mile. Past childhood traumas of being bullied leaves a mark…

This experiment started at a time where I felt I needed to be constantly around people as it gave me a tremendous amount of energy and hated the feeling of loneliness while being alone.

This very thought left a lingering question that I could not easily ignore:

Is your own company so bad that you cannot be completely by yourself?

How can one truly be deemed of value to other people when you alone do not find your own company valuable…

These chain of thoughts lead me to a discovery that tremendously benefited my life in ways I never knew were possible.

My relationships in life completely changed because of the source of where it was coming from evolved.

Those that have stuck around cannot put a finger on exactly what has happened other than stating something along the lines of “you are more you”.

When living an authentic life 100% aligned to individuality becomes the #1 life goal - you must embrace changes head on without questioning your intuition in uncertain times.

It takes a specific type of courage to blindly trust your gut instincts with a delusional sense of optimism as it leads you in the direction where you must go.

LONELINESS COMES COMPROMISE

From a source of loneliness - people will compromise on their core values just to be around quite literally anybody willing - to avoid being alone.

Is it not wrong to state that coming from such a place of desperation and neediness it is a recipe for complete disasters to ensue?

If not down right delusional to believe that coming from such a place of scarcity will some how magically attract abundance and prosperity into one’s life.

This neediness becomes a feeling of repulsion to be around as the person that is experiencing this negative sensation on the “receiving” end up feeling their energy is being drained in real time.

Neediness is a black hole sucking everything within close proximity and those that see it from a distance will go extreme lengths to avoid experiencing it in their life.

Eliminate neediness by transforming your very existence and Way of life to become a ecosystem of positive emotions. Every aspect of your life compliments each other and everything that does not serve that purpose is removed.

There is no fancy magic recipe nor guide book on how to overcome loneliness.

The only way is to consciously choose to be alone so you can embrace the emotions that come with loneliness.

The longer you endure, the better you will become at being alone.

Remember: your brain wants to see proof, not be told false promises.

It will challenge your very biological nature as you [and every human being that has ever existed] was wired for social connection as if your very survival depended on it.

In the past, the moment you felt loneliness, you escaped the sensation and found enjoyment outside your own company in the external world.

If you consciously choose to partake in this exercise: it will only be perceived as a “challenge” because you barely have any experiences of being alone.

What happened underneath the surface when unwiring a self-limiting belief?

Your brain starts to collect more positive experiences of being alone [it will start to see the light which only gets brighter from there on out if only you stay the course].

It will mess with your head as it is contrary to everything you had such strong convictions on all these years.

With patience and endurance you will experience a sensation - peace, serenity, contentment, etc. - all while being completely alone [without feeling loneliness].

When you can be perfectly happy being in your own company living your authentic life.

This is when you know you have completed the transformation.

When you do decide to invest time into an individual [or into a group setting you genuinely want to be apart of] you would rather be nowhere else in the world in that moment of time.

That is the power of complete presence.

Not out of obligation feeling as though you need to please people because you are petrified of their thoughts and opinions of you will change to a negative one.

If I am around the right group of people then all I want to do is continue investing my time into them.

Social gatherings become a bonus on top of your Self expression. Choosing to be alone is a conscious choice you can fall back to, not out of fear, but from pure enjoyment for your own company.

I must add, there will be times where I feel I am in a setting with the wrong type of people, all I want to do is be alone so I can enjoy my own company again and keep moving my life in the direction I want it to go.

Important: this mode of Being can only exist if you are perfectly happy with your very own company.

Personally I do not invest my time into individuals I do not see my future with.

It is a polarizing approach to relationships but I would not have it any other way.

The social connections in my life never have to question who I am nor my intentions.

These hand selected individuals know the nature of how authentic and genuine I am mirrors that of our meaningful relationship.

This gets even more heightened when you do not have the desire to people please which adds another element of freedom to your existence that I could not see without in my life anymore. I wasted far too many years of my life that I will never get back because I unconsciously was engaging in this behavior.

Overall am I advocating for a life of pure social isolation?

Of course not.

Only you can best identify when to enter modes of expansion and contraction based on the season of your life. My tiny bit of advice is to never ignore the warning signals when it is time to transition.

Ignore that at your own peril.

THE NEW STANDARD FOR CONNECTION

What happens next when you’ve entered a new paradigm where you are perfectly happy being alone?

Social connections and relationships enter a state of simplicity.

These metrics wine down to two simple metrics:

1. Complementary: shared life values and interests

2. Compatibility: mutually beneficial without conflict despite differences

Followed by a simple yes or no answer then the actions aligned to each the decisions made: continue or walkaway.

When you identify exactly who you are with gained life experience - it should become glaringly obvious who are the best individuals to enjoy your life with.

Especially true now that choosing to be alone becomes the best fall back option instead of needing someone’s company out of desperation to avoid feeling loneliness.

I worked closely with an ultra successful mentor that is dominating life in every area that stated the following:

“Why would I live my life in a state of compromise?”

A thought provoking question expressed many years ago which I still think about to this day.

Despite popular opinions [many I have found justify the past without the ability to entertain the new paradigm benefits] - how can one truly know the topic of discussion like an informed expert when the counter argument side cannot even be comprehended to understand the nuance in the shade of grey?

I mean the logic behind the question is simple:

Why would you keep forcing a triangle into a hole that is obviously meant for a circle - I mean with all that extra excreted time and energy [wouldn’t it be more beneficial for both parties involved] to simply go find the circle to effortlessly complete the puzzle and let the triangle fit into the hole that was created for the triangle?

With the complexity and stresses that come with life already is it really necessary to try and force something that obviously has signs of it’s incompatibilities and uncomplimentary natural tendencies.

Aren’t social connections suppose to be enjoyed at the end of the day?

This is the approach I’ve adopted into my life and I only have meaningful connections.

I do not have to question my relationships nor the people in it as the ones that were not compatible nor complementary to my life have either: exited or I have led myself out.

Simple.

All my time is invested into myself while all the other time is invested into meaningful relationships [who will also benefit from the time invested into building my life] or prospecting potential new connections.

I’ve gone through the popularity contest phase of my life [experienced nothing but many empty social connections without substance and a handful of great genuine people] so if the metric of meaningful relationships were determined by who attends your funeral:

Does this popularity really matter at the expense of geniune connections and meaningful relationships with individuals that would actual be there for your funeral when you are long gone?

A question I’ll leave for the masses attempting to shortcut their way to acquire fame through social media despite having undergone the transformative self-actualization process to give life’s suffering a meaning.

See you on the mats,

POJ