The dance floor lights flicker as the DJ blasts Swedish House Mafia’s viral hit “Don’t You Worry Child“ in one of Stockholm’s best nightclub.

Singing along with my new friends on the dance floor feeling as if I am drunk. No, not from alcohol as I was completely sober, but I felt intoxicated from the freedom of being only 19 years old after leaving “the American Dream” life behind.

This was suppose to be it - living the dream. Traveling the world, partying in exotic locations, meeting new faces, living the “influencer lifestyle” before it even had a name.

I'd left behind a promising career start, concerned family, and confused friends, all for the promise of adventure and non-stop excitement.

But after one night, I returned back to my room in a 5 bedroom beach front luxury villa after a long night of partying with my villa mates in Bali, a emptiness crept in…

The same void I’d felt during my first class flight to South Korea, returning back to a Croatian pirate ship after jet skiing to find out I’ve broken a new daily sales record again, and of course, the chaotic streets of Bangkok’s famous Khao San Road on New Years Eve.

A gnawing question that all the adrenaline rushes and Instagram worthy moments couldn’t silence:

Is that it?

Fast forward through over a decade of globetrotting, soul searching, and nothing but hard earned wisdom, and I can tell you chasing pleasure without a purpose is trying to fill up a cup that has a gapping hole at the bottom…

If you’re feeling lost, unfulfilled, or stuck in a cycle of fleeting highs, read very closely.

The insights I’m about to share might just save you years of wandering and help you find the path to fulfillment [all while having the time of your life].

THE PLEASURE TRAP

You might be thinking, “but what’s wrong with seeking pleasure… enjoying your life.” I get it. I’ve been living in this paradigm for a good chunk of my life.

For years, I chased after every possible adventure I could be apart of. This tendency becomes a natural process [especially being a young adult filled with testosterone].

However, novel experience after novel experience, I learned a very harsh truth:

Pleasure is fleeting, and chasing it leads to a cycle of diminishing returns… to the point of self-sabotage.

Think about what you are going through now:

• That “like” dopamine hits from your social media? It fades in seconds.

• The “high” you felt during those nights out? It becomes a distant memory.

• The excitement of landing in a new country? You’ll get use to it.

Every “high” life offers is a fleeting external stimuli.

We’re bombarded with images, videos and messages telling us that happiness lies in a constant ‘stimulation and endless novelty’ state of mind.

Social media algorithms and “influencers” curate highlight moments that make you feel like you’re missing out on life [which is only particularly true and does not represent the entire equation of life].

Modern culture sub-communicates directly to your subconscious mind: you cannot experience happiness exactly where you are at right now - this is where consumerism plays a vital role in the economy.

But what happens when you become desensitized to it all?

Remember: do not foolishly believe that these “famous” individuals care more about your interests above their own self-interest.

You see.

This relentless pursuit of pleasure comes at a cost:

1. Emotional exhaustion

2. Neglected relationships

3. Stunted personal growth

4. A pervasive sense of emptiness

I’ve been living behind the scenes rubbing shoulders with all other them: the notorious backpackers and digital nomads, socialite connectors, famous influencers within their respected niches, stunning international models that get flown around the world and even billionaires.

Having been on both sides of the curtains - I can assure you the “reality” of these archetypes lives does not live up to your imagination… it is none other than a projection of your own unfulfilled desires and unrealistic expectations.

A common theme I observe amongst these crowds leads them down on one of two paths:

• Constantly chasing after the next dopamine spike found in pleasures i.e. “lost souls” as I often tell my inner circles.

• Realizing the lack of fulfillment felt [after collecting such novel experiences] these individuals seek meaning in life through the pursuit of purpose.

Then there’s the lucky few that have already found purpose in life and are simply enjoying their down time before returning back to the life they love… and this right here is the goal.

You see.

The real problem isn’t the pursuit of pleasure itself - it’s the prioritization of fleeting pleasures over enduring purpose.

When we orient our lives solely around the feel good moments, we rob ourselves of the deep satisfaction that comes from working towards something truly meaningful to your existence.

More specifically: make your #1 priority discovering your purpose instead of [filling that time chasing pleasures] distracting you from a delayed responsibility to find your purpose.

When you come to this crossroads - you must ask yourself:

Am I living for the ‘gram, or am I living for something greater?
Am I guided by FOMO [fear of missing out] or by a sense of purpose?

If you are experiencing a sense of emptiness, that sense that something is still missing despite all your accumulative novel life experiences, you’re not alone.

There is a way out of this cycle, a path of life that’s not just exciting, but arguable more enjoyable than the reality you are experiencing in the realm of never-ending pleasures.

THE ULTIMATE PARADIGM SHIFT

After years of chasing fleeting pleasures, I stumbled upon a profound truth during the ‘peak experiences’ phase of my life:

True fulfillment does not come from momentary highs, but from aligning your Way of life with a greater purpose aligned to your individuality.

Let me take you back to a pivotal moment in my journey:

I was in Bali, literally a paradise island on earth, and a big time DJ was playing so naturally it was a massive event. We were in one of the VIP sections with more friends than I can remember while models chasing after my attention.

A kind of moment many would love to share on their Instagram story…

But you know what’s funny?

Behind the smile and laughing to the point of tears - when I had a moment to myself - all I thought was “this is fun, but damn do I wish I was training jiu-jitsu right now…”

That day planted a seed [which continued to grow several weeks to months later] into a life changing moment. I decided to quit chasing after the next thrill, get my ‘fear of missing out’ under my control and started pursuing something more meaningful beyond the superficial.

Here’s what I discovered:

1. Purpose Provides Direction: When you have a clear sense of purpose, you filter your decisions through the lens of your purpose. Every choice compounds into momentum towards the destination of your purpose.

2. Obstacles Are Opportunities: Getting through challenges becomes more meaningful when you can see how it contributes to the bigger picture of your life’s purpose.

3. Only Authentic Relationships: Shamelessly be who you truly are without being apologetic for your authentic Way of life. If the people in you call friends were meant to be apart of your life they will remain after the weeding out process. Not for the faint of heart…

4. Daily Sustainable Joys: Focus on creating sustainable daily habits that contribute to your overall well-being i.e. Way of life. This compounds overtime to not only progress but elevate your Being [where enjoyment is a byproduct of your existence].

Let me give you a concrete example. During my time in Bali, I decided to step away from the social scene [to invest more of my energy into myself instead of giving it away to others].

I completely retreated as if I left the island, but in reality I was investing more time training jiu-jitsu.

Instead of training to get the my workout out of the way, I reflected on how else could I improve my skills and performance.

This didn’t happen overnight - my intentions were shifting - how I wanted to incorporate more jiu-jitsu into my life and how much more of a role it would play.

This stepping stone lead me to complete a 63 week part-time training schedule without taking a rest week - you can learn more about here: https://www.philosophyofjiu-jitsu.com/p/life-revelations-63-week-parttime-jiujitsu-training-schedule

Now, I’m not suggesting you need to drop everything and go to such extremely lengths [unless that’s your calling].

The key is to find something that deeply resonates with you and contributes positively to the world around you.

In the next section, I’ll guide you through the steps that contributed to me discovering my life’s purpose. This will help you gain perspective for clarity instead of falling for the pleasure trap the rest of society seems to be stuck in.

UNCOVERING YOUR LIFE PURPOSE

Here are critical steps from my journey to help guide you.

1. Embrace Solitude for Self-Reflection

Just as I stepped away from the party scene, you need to create space for introspection. This means intentionally reserving your energy for yourself instead of giving it away.

Action step: Schedule in at least a day [if not as much time as your need] to gather your thoughts. This means no external stimuli like phone, social media or anything that would diverge your attention away from your internal world.

Real-world example: After walking away from the social scene, I had a tremendous amount of time for myself. I didn’t know if I wanted to give up my lifestyle just to become a competitor or not… all I knew, for a fact, was I wanted to train more jiu-jitsu.

2. Identifying Core Values

Your purpose naturally align to life values. Make the process of discovering your life’s purpose easier by identifying your core values in life. This is essential.

Action step: List at least 20 values. Then, narrow the list down to the ones you resonate the most with. Ponder why the top 5 values calls to your soul.

Real-world example: Through this exercise, I discovered: Freedom, Authenticity, Presence, Curiosity, Well-Being were constantly overlapping in my happiest moments in life. You can probably see why I love traveling, jiu-jitsu, socializing, etc. so much.

3. Always Follow Your Curiosity

Don’t just dabble in what the rest of society is drawn to. Dive deeper into areas that spark your natural curiousity.

Action step: Choose one interest that occupies most of your mental real estate. Dedicate as must time as possible to this calling. Immersive yourself in that realm with passion and find out where it will take you.

Real-world example: My 63 week jiu-jitsu training schedule wasn’t born overnight. It started by adding an extra 30 mins to my sessions then gradually evolved into a personal challenge to see how far I could push my limits.

4. Constantly Push Your Threshold

Growth can only occur outside of your comfort zone. Intentionally live in a Way where you feel both scared AND excited.

Action Step: Identify where exactly you are comfortable and find out where you feel petrified. Do what is in the middle between comfort and petrified.

Real-world example: Competing in jiu-jitsu tournaments pushed me very much outside my comfort zone. Each challenge not only improved my skills but it taught me exactly where my weaknesses were. This feedback only made my training that much more exciting and purposeful.

5. Influential Contribution

The best gift of them all? The gift that keeps on giving. Your positive life changing effect into the lives you influence.

Action Step: Reflect back on those moments when you were selfless. Times where you were giving to others and as a byproduct you felt incredible.

Real-world example: I started offering my help to partners “not on my level” of experience. Seeing them make such drastic improvements gave me a sense of fulfillment like anything else I’ve down on the superficial world I was so heavily involved in.

6. Reflections from Your Funeral

What would you want the closest people say about you during your funeral?

Action Step: Use your imagination to daydream about this day. Who is in attendance? What are they saying about your character?

Real-world example: After countless reflections of this moment, I realized that most of life’s “problems” disappear whenever I think of that moment. Death makes you snap out of your haze to see what is actually important.

7. Find Your Way

Align your daily actions with your emerging purpose. Clarity can only be gained while taking actionable consistent steps.

Action Step: Identify just one step you can take today to move you towards the pursuit of purpose. Develop an ongoing streak until it becomes effortless. Gradually stack on more habits to keep the momentum going.

Real-world example: Before reaching the level of commitment I have for jiu-jitsu and the incorporating it into my life, I started by adding extra time before and after the training session to improve on something. Eventually momentum took over and I ended up training part-time for well over a year without needing to take a rest week.

Important: discovering your life’s purpose is not an overnight phenomenon. It is a journey that needs to be taken one step at a time. Only when you reach the end destination do you look back and see how everything connected and had it’s purpose.

By following these actionable steps and sticking to the Way, you’ll find a beautiful transformation occurring right before your very eyes. Trust the process as millions have gone through it before you.

With your commitment, you’ll find yourself naturally shifting away from the endless pursuit of pleasures you were once on. The tides have shifted to a purpose driven life that provides a deep sense of fulfillment, satisfaction and joy every single day for the rest of your life.

THE POWER OF PURPOSE

At some point you will either accept the fact that purpose is better than pleasure.

It may not be now, you’ll need more life experiences, but at some point you will come to this very conclusion.

I hope when that time does eventually come that you have enough time to actually enjoy it. Instead of being old and grey [with very little time and energy left].

Having lived a very superficial surface layer life there is a bit of a remaining bitter sweet taste left in my mouth having come this long to finally come to the realization.

I do not regret any of my decisions in the slightest as everything was meant for a reason.

The highs get higher [eventually you become desensitized and numb to all stimuli] then reach the lowest lows seeing how nothing left in life elevates your emotions like it did before.

This does not have to be the outcome of your life.

Start with gratitude and appreciation as these daily practices will take you far greater lengths than chasing after the next dopamine hit will ever provide.

Shift your focus to discovering your life’s purpose.

In times where you feel stuck - stay the course - do not distract yourself from such a critical life responsibility.

The rest of society is already becoming addicted to the never-ending dopamine traps land out both in the physical and digital world.

Strangely it has become some sort of modern slavery that is socially acceptable given that it is practically invisible.

With that said:

I highly encourage you to invest more of your time in solitude hear what your inner voice wants you to do.

Take it one step at a time [to prevent you from becoming overwhelmed].

Stay the course as me and the rest of the world cannot wait to receive your gift that keeps on giving as it’ll ripple down generation after generation long when both of us are gone.

The juice definitely is worth the squeeze.

See ya on the mats,

POJ